Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sexual chemistry

One of the big questions for new singles in Vancouver is: How do you know when someone is interested?

Reciprocated chemistry is the answer. This is what you feel when you are sitting beside them or even just gazing at them across the room. Sometime the pheromones are so powerful that it actually pulls you towards them like a magnetic force. There is a magic in the air and it is an unmistakable euphoric feeling. How often does it happen? Not as often as one would think.

What are the signs?

• There is an overwhelming urge to be close and touch them. It is like an electric current that is pulling you into them. It is not always at the right moment, it can be with someone who is out of bounds, but it is an undeniable & feeling hard to ignore!
• Nervousness that you are not used to feeling
• An arousal in the loin area & their touch is electric
• An amazing urge to kiss them right there on the spot
• you are willing to sleep with them as quickly as possible despite your strong morals
• Their scent is overly alluring & draws you closer
• You are drawn into their eyes & have trouble focusing on what they are saying

If you are both single this is a gift from nature, but it can be the catalyst in many relationship problems! Due to the magnitude of the electrical current some people tend to step over their boundaries. Acting first & dealing with the repercussions later. There are different levels of chemistry. Sometimes it is slow and drawn out and becomes more powerful over time, but more often it is an instant feeling that blindsides your existence.

Chemistry is something that you feel uncontrollably but is more powerful than lust. When you can feel someone‘s energy matching yours & the sexual endorphins are released, nothing is as powerful! (Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are probably a great example of this.)

Is chemistry doomed from the start? Will it fizzle and die just as fast as the flame that was lit? Some people can have a sexual relationship without the love & passion, a "friend’s with benefits" rapport. When you are lucky enough to meet someone who can even make you feel warm and sensual over the phone or without even speaking, that is rare & very hot.

Does age make a difference in how a person looks at chemistry? As a person matures, so does their awareness. They may become more selective or intuitive due to some of the mistakes they have made in the past. Now when they feel it, they know it.

In your younger years you are sexually peaking and everything is experimental and not so much about chemistry. Everyone looks good and feels good for a while until you start to differentiate with new emotions. In high school most crushes are experiments with an attraction. No one is thinking about a future yet.

How do you keep chemistry from fading like lust does? Ask your partner what the word means to them? Keep that alive and work with it continuously. Many couples let it fade by allowing other daily forces replace passion. Nurturing each other first should be a priority. Think back to when you first became a couple, everything else in your life took second place. Keeping the chemistry alive will keep your relationship alive!

Many parents today think it is selfish to get a babysitter and have a date night. Many older parents fall into this trap, they have waited so long to have a family & make it all about the children. This is a big mistake. Is it better for the kids to come from a divorced family because the couple who made the kids, forgot how to love each other?

The key to keeping the chemistry alive over the years is exactly that, “keeping it alive”:

• Put notes or something sexy in their briefcase or lunch bag
• Leave a sexy message on their hotel voice mail when they are traveling.
• Leave a note under their pillow or on the counter when you are not with each other.
• Give small gifts that remind you of them.
• Send a sexy E-mail or text to them even if you live together
• Say something sweet every day. It goes a long way
• Listen to what they would like to do and surprise them with making it happen.
• Compliment their achievements no matter how small.

"There are four types of chemistry: Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. How great would it be to have all four!"

Some situations have a few barriers and may need constant nurturing to be kept alive. If they live out of town you have to be creative on a daily basis to keep the chemistry alive. If they have children from another relationship, own their own business or have huge commitments within their career, this can play a part in destroying even the most overpowering chemistry. Feeling secure is very important & communication is the key to keeping the passion alive in any relationship.

Susan McCord @
Vancouver Dating Relationship Advice

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