Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dating Advice: My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum to move in or move on!

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum after being together for one year. She says we either move in together or our relationship is over! Is this what women do now, threaten their men? Why is their a time limit? It is a turn off & not making me want to be there anymore!

Why are there so many people in forced relationships today? Is it the fear of being alone? Are men & women settling into a partnership because it is the best scenario for that moment? Sharing your life with someone you love can be a difficult commitment, but living with someone you just “like,” will erupt over time due to boredom. Compatibility & chemistry are needed tools to keep a relationship fresh & alive! Friendship is a big necessity as well, but the other two components need to be there to keep the love blossoming.

There seems to be a maximum two year deadline for women who want a commitment from their partner. Ultimatums are a common discussion at this time. Men do not respond well to this & view it as a threat, which ultimately it is. Women that resort to this type of behavior have not been paying attention to the relationship’s red flags. If she has to have this conversation with her man, there is a problem that she has not noticed. Relationships that are right, do not need to be pushed into commitments, they naturally flow to that place all on their own. It is a natural progression.

Occasionally an ultimatum can work for some people because they might need a wake up call. They may have been a little afraid of the next step of moving in together, an engagement or just a more committed phase in the relationship due to past history or a divorce situation. By bullying someone into marriage or house hunting when they are not ready, is not a romantic exercise, & usually leads to the demise of the relationship out of resentment, later on.

10 Red Flags to Watch for with Commitment Phobic Partners:

• They go out 3 or more nights a week without you
• Plan most of their vacations with friends & exclude you
• Talk about buying a place alone
• Do not open up with you about their thoughts
• They have many friends in the same city you have never met
• After a year together, they still say “I” instead of “we”
• No mention of plans for the future as a couple
• They talk about moving to another city or big travel plans that do not include you.
• There is little romance and the sex is robotic.
• They seldom tell you they love you

Being aware of your part in the relationship & how it is progressing should not be overlooked. Mutual love & support should be naturally occurring as the partnership grows. If it is stagnant & predictable early on, the chance of a happy future with this person will probably not happen. Deciding to ignore the signs is limiting your happiness and cheating you out of a wonderful future with someone compatible.

After 6 months in a relationship, the signs are usually laid out in front and obvious to those who are paying attention. Dating is there for a reason, to find out if two people fit together & can ultimately having a loving future as a couple. Being aware and listening to your inner self, will help you make wise & fulfilling choices for the wonderful partner you wish to meet & spend your life growing old with.

Written by Susan McCord

Susan McCord @
Andrea Wesley @

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