Thursday, July 29, 2010
Bad dates can include a variety of circumstances from boredom, opposite personalities, rudeness, or embarrassing situations. It could be a really bad setup or a dangerous scenario that you ignored. Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market.
Things to be aware of on a first date:
• Are they attentive & do they make eye contact?
• Did they make an effort with their appearance?
• Is the conversation shared equally?
• Are they respectful?
• Do they make you feel special?
• Were they on time for the date?
• Did they reschedule the date more than once?
• Do they bring up sex right away?
• Do they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
• Are you opposites?
• Is sarcasm their only form of humor?
What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave? Many people are too nice to say anything controversial. It is always a good idea to have a “set time limit” on the first few dates so they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Let them know as soon as you meet up with them. Set a time for a friend to call. Have a code word for whether the date is a success or not. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them.
Prevent disaster dates by pre-screening. Don’t take your friend’s or family’s word for it that he/she is perfect for you. Ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different taste. Use the technology at your fingertips. Google them!
Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job, you are paying attention to what a potential employer is saying and what they could offer you. The same attention should be given when out in a dating scenario.
If someone only talks about themselves on the first date, what did they learn about you? They really don’t need to see you again they just need a reflection of themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, chances are, it will always be.
Many people do not know how to express themselves. If the date is bad they just let it go as an experience. You could make a difference in their life by telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Everyone deserves to be happy and some people really do not know how they come across. You may have been put in their path to teach them something. Life lessons are not always about us.
When planning a date, always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather, kids, or work problems. It shows you are spontaneous and have some organizational skills and respect for their time. You are compromising to keep from having to cancel.
The first few dates should not include alcohol. You need to keep a clear head when meeting someone for the first time just as you would in that job interview. If you must have a few cocktails, do not email, text or call them after drinking. Always treat others the way you would appreciate being treated. As old a cliché as this is, it should always be practiced. Susan McCord