Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dating & Relationship Advice ~ How Do You Handle Disappointing Sex in a Relationship?

How do you handle disappointing sex with your partner? It's not easy to tell them your sex-life needs major work!

Many singles in Vancouver have a difficult time meeting someone to date, but what happens when you finally do meet that potential partner and there are a few obstacles to deal with? You seem to have a wonderful companionship and much in common but there is an ongoing problem in the bedroom between the sheets! You know there is potential because they have been romantic on earlier dates and do all the right things in the etiquette world of dating. So what’s missing & is it possible to spice up this vanilla sex to a hot fudge sundae?

Many of the problems that couples have with regards to enjoying a compatible sex-life are due to lack of confidence & sexual experience. There may also be some fear that their partner might be opposed to trying certain things less conservative. It certainly doesn’t help with pressures put on both sexes due to new & improved expectations today. With books like “50 Shades of Grey,” men think that many women want this form of dominant sex play all the time! It is confusing as to what anyone really wants anymore and many people are just trying to fit into this complex ever changing world of sexual assumptions & uncertainties.

What Should You Do to Handle Disappointment in the Bedroom?

• Learn how to be verbally open with them. Do not criticize your partner’s technique, but you can “gently guide them” to show them what you do like.
• “The Happy Ending” should make both of you happy & not just one.
• Lying there like a “starfish” is not exciting to your partner. Be a part of the experience by initiating some of your own uniqueness. If you have to ingest a shot of tequila to give you courage, so be it!
• Change up the routine and never become complacent ~ you can be replaced! (Yes, even by a vibrator.)
• Sex should last for more than 5 minutes unless you are in an elevator.
• Go visit your local Love Shop for new ideas or Victoria Secret for lingerie enticement. (Men are very visual ladies & love a woman who takes time to be sexy!)
• If you are too shy to talk in the bedroom, tell your partner what excites you sexually over a glass of wine or in a text during the day.
• Continually saying “NO” because you’re too tired, will eventually lead them to being “tired of you!”

Sex & Money are huge deal breakers in a relationship and need to be paid attention to constantly. How often have you heard the stories of people being blindsided in their relationship by a sudden breakup? In most cases it’s not without validity as many red flags are often ignored. Pretending these problems will go away is a very naive and dangerous way to live within your partnership. Listen to what they say, as it is a much scarier place when they stop talking to you.

If you want to talk to someone outside your relationship for help with improving your sex life, chose someone you trust or a neutral person such as a professional sex therapist. Asking for guidance is never a bad thing & will only bring you knowledge you may not have thought about, that can help you & your relationship to blossom. No one is beneath needing a little help once in awhile and it is better to choose this route than ignore it until it becomes the demise of your beautiful connection.

Sex makes the world go around and is the one thing we all do & have in common, regardless of where we live on the planet. It is the most natural act especially in the animal kingdom. Thank God we have a little more courtship & romance in the human species though! (Although it might be kind of interesting if all we had to do was sniff each other out...)

With all of that said, we all want to be loved and have someone to love in our lives. Keeping those fires burning are such a big part of longevity in a partnership. In your “heart of hearts” you know if things need to step up a notch in the bedroom. There is enough information online to help guide you to a better sex-life at home. Don’t ever take it for granted that your other half is content because they are not saying anything to oppose this. Watch their body language during sex and how they are after you make love. Are you closer as a couple or do you go about your day 2 minutes later like nothing ever happened in the bedroom? Paying close attention to your relationship is a full time job and worth every minute spent on improving the foundation of it.

Susan McCord @
Andrea Wesley @

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