Why Do We Care What "Our Ex" is Doing?

Why do we want to know everything our ex is doing after they breakup with us? Isn't it enough that we were dumped but now we want to know all the sorted details of how happy they are without us? Are we all masochists or are we hoping that we are the ones doing better without them!
Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
http://www.beavertalk.com

When Is The Right Time To Say I Love You?

Do people throw the "L Word" around too easily? Has someone said it to you in the first two weeks of dating them? Or are you the one who says it way too often? Are they settling & saying it too soon, because they are afraid to be alone?~ What are the signs that you are in love?

SAYING THE “L WORD” TOO SOON

Most people just want to be loved in their lives but it is not a simple thing to obtain. We spend a large amount of time looking for love in the wrong places, only to wake up at 30/ 35 with a biological clock ticking like “Big Ben.” Men also feel the pressure to have children these days; it is not just about women’s eggs doing back flips to be fertilized anymore. This type of pressure can make both sexes settle with a partner that may not be the love of their life, but someone whom they are fairly compatible with for the most part.

We read about seniors that found love quickly after they lost a spouse but now it is happening at a much earlier stage of life. Is it “love” or just afraid of being alone and willing to really like someone? Companionship is what many couples end up with in the end anyway. (Let’s face it passion is probably not head banging sex in your 70’s.) Have we all become too busy to give attention to a loving relationship & wake up too late down the road? All of a sudden we are frantic and running out of time to find our partner.

How do we know if we are settling, or someone is settling with us?

How To Tell If “The L word” Is Being Taken Advantage Of, Or Meant With Sincerity:

• They tell you they love you in the first 2 weeks
• Their parents are already aware of you & setting the table for a family dinner
• You celebrate your first month Anniversary
• They start managing your life right away & plan things months in advance
• They only say I love you in the orgasmic moment or when drinking too much
• You have met all their friends by the 3rd date.
• They have bought you monogrammed towel sets
• They gave you a house key immediately!

We are all as much to blame sometimes, for the lustful attraction that make us believe it is truly love we feel. It is an easy trap to fall into especially if it has been awhile for these powerful feeling to enter our hearts. There is nothing in the world like “new love,” we just have to make sure that is what it is. Jumping in too fast to any relationship is setting yourself up for a fall. Taking the time to get to know someone lets you stand back & watch each other from a realistic distance. Courting each other slowly keeps the relationship progressing at a natural pace. You are still living your life but also making room for them. It isn’t ALL about them. That is the difference to finding true love; they are the frosting on your cake, an addition that fits in as partner for a possible long term commitment. Jumping in to fast inevitably ends exactly the same way. Savor each new moment & let the flavor release slowly ~ Enjoy them...


Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Chris Rock's Relationship Advice

Well...it is a little teeny weeny itsy bitsy bit true...sometimes lol

CBC Facebook Survey: Breakups Over Christmas

Why do so many people breakup over Christmas? Is it the money? The fear of meeting your partner's family? Or is it a pressure that is put on the relationship for more of a commitment?

Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com

Getting Dumped Before Christmas

Today is Friday November 26, 2010



Facebook says you're about to be dumped

By denise ryan 26 Nov 2010 COMMENTS(0) Love/Life

Filed under: relationships, facebook, Dating

Facebook knows when you'll get dumped. It's in the next two weeks. Merry Christmas everyone.

According to Brit journalist David McCandless, who scraped data from over 10,000 facebook status updates, the first two weeks of December are peak times for heartbreak.

More couples will break up in the weeks leading up to Christmas than at any other time of year, although Spring Break (who wants a gf or bf on Spring Break?) comes close.

For anyone who is in a relationship, and doesn't yet know whether they're going to be his or her date for the Christmas party, the silence is probably a sign that you're heading for a seasonal break up.

Susan McCord, Vancouver dating and relationships expert, calls it "The Christmas question."

"Any time there is money involved, where you have to buy gifts and there is a financial pressure, you do become vulnerable."

But it's not just about money. The holiday season raises the stakes.

"People stress themselves out around Christmas. You've got this whole family thing. People start saying what am I doing in this relationship? If they've been dating for a year or so, they might feel pressure to pop the question, and might not be ready to do that."

The pressure of the upcoming season can spike fighting, said McCord. "If you've each got kids and havent met them, it adds to the pressure. On the other hand, if you've been together four or five months and you're not being asked to come to certain functions, family or work, it causes a lot of pressure. You might start asking yourself what am I doing hanging around here?"

McCord speaks from personal experience. She raised her son as a single mom. She confesses that she was more often the dumper than the dumpee, and yes, pre-Christmas was often the breaking point. Breaking up is sometimes just what you do if Christmas is coming and you've got a kid.

"If you're not sure, it heightens everything. Fear of commitment, fear of meeting family."

Meeting family was the last thing McCord wanted to do. Partly because she didn't want to put her son through that, and also, if she wasn't ready to commit, she didn't want to put whomever she was dating through meeting her larger-than-life Dad.

"My father is right in your face," she jokes. "He's 'what are you doing with my daughter'! If I took them to a family function it was because we had a totally committed relationship at that point."

Gifts and expectations are another minefield the less-sure half of a vulnerable couple may want to avoid.

If you've met your bf or gf in the summer, Christmas is just about at the six-month point. The six-month point, McCord says, is make or break: make a commitment or move on.

The average amount young couples spend on each other at Christmas is $1,000, says McCord. "It's not just a Timex watch anymore."

Especially among young people, the prime facebook demographic of under-25s, many of whom are status-oriented, the pressure to overspend can be enough to push a vulnerable relationship over the edge.

"They start saying, do I really want to spend a thousand dollars?" says McCord. "Young boys and girls I know also get dumped before their birthdays for the same reason."

McCord, just for the record, has been married for three years. She had only been going out with the guy she later married for a few months when Christmas hit. He got her a silver bracelet that was thoughtful, represented a commitment (it was jewellery, after all), but had cost, she estimates, about $100.

It was perfect. If he'd spent more, she says, it would have scared her away.

How do you deal with it? Vancouver boutique dating coach Mick Lolekonda advises that you get out and enjoy the season. Be more social, not less. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate.

"Focus on making great connections, and expanding your social networks."

He also reccomends cutting ties with your ex so you can release any emotional holds more easily: Delete the contact phone number, take them off facebook. Whatever it takes to clear some space.

The holidays, he points out, are also a wonderful time to meet new people. "People are more open, they're more sensitive, their guards are down, they're going to more events, they're more social."

Who knows? That breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

So I want to know. Have you been on the receiving end of the pre-Christmas dump? Or have you dumped before Christmas?

Let me know how you survived.

(For the record, I have had the December dump, a few years ago. It was, in a word, rotten.)

check out Susan McCord online at

http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com

Dating Advice: When Roommates Become Lovers

What happens if you are sexually attracted to your roommate? Talk show hosts tell their own stories of what transpired with their own roommates of the past! Friend's with benefits can be good for short term but do they work out with a commitment in the end?
Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
http://www.beavertalk.com

Susan McCord - MORE Magazine

Susan McCord is a member of the More community and publishes on www.more.com. We think you may like to read their work.

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North of 49: Susan McCord

Dating Differences from your 20's to 30+

Talk Show Hosts discuss the dating checklists & how they differ from your twenties to your thirties + Do men & women need to alter there picky priorities? Is it all about looks or T&A?
Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
http://www.beavertalk.com

Dating Advice: Is It Too Aggressive To Put A Note On A Guys Car?

Two women discuss whether it is OK to leave your number on a guys car that you are interested in. Is it too aggressive or is she a borderline stalker? How safe is it and what precautions should a woman take?

Susan McCord @
http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
http://www.beavertalk.com

Do You Have a Relationship Like "Carrie and Big" from Sex & The City?

Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & The City had very few boundaries when it came to her boyfriend Big. Why do many women allow men to screw them around in the way she did on the show? Are they lacking self respect or are they just happy to be with someone part time whenever the guy wants them? Men really do not want a puppy dog, they want a woman!

Susan McCord @ http://www.beavertalk.com
http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com

Dating Advice: My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum to move in or move on!

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum after being together for one year. She says we either move in together or our relationship is over! Is this what women do now, threaten their men? Why is their a time limit? It is a turn off & not making me want to be there anymore!


Why are there so many people in forced relationships today? Is it the fear of being alone? Are men & women settling into a partnership because it is the best scenario for that moment? Sharing your life with someone you love can be a difficult commitment, but living with someone you just “like,” will erupt over time due to boredom. Compatibility & chemistry are needed tools to keep a relationship fresh & alive! Friendship is a big necessity as well, but the other two components need to be there to keep the love blossoming.

There seems to be a maximum two year deadline for women who want a commitment from their partner. Ultimatums are a common discussion at this time. Men do not respond well to this & view it as a threat, which ultimately it is. Women that resort to this type of behavior have not been paying attention to the relationship’s red flags. If she has to have this conversation with her man, there is a problem that she has not noticed. Relationships that are right, do not need to be pushed into commitments, they naturally flow to that place all on their own. It is a natural progression.

Occasionally an ultimatum can work for some people because they might need a wake up call. They may have been a little afraid of the next step of moving in together, an engagement or just a more committed phase in the relationship due to past history or a divorce situation. By bullying someone into marriage or house hunting when they are not ready, is not a romantic exercise, & usually leads to the demise of the relationship out of resentment, later on.

10 Red Flags to Watch for with Commitment Phobic Partners:

• They go out 3 or more nights a week without you
• Plan most of their vacations with friends & exclude you
• Talk about buying a place alone
• Do not open up with you about their thoughts
• They have many friends in the same city you have never met
• After a year together, they still say “I” instead of “we”
• No mention of plans for the future as a couple
• They talk about moving to another city or big travel plans that do not include you.
• There is little romance and the sex is robotic.
• They seldom tell you they love you

Being aware of your part in the relationship & how it is progressing should not be overlooked. Mutual love & support should be naturally occurring as the partnership grows. If it is stagnant & predictable early on, the chance of a happy future with this person will probably not happen. Deciding to ignore the signs is limiting your happiness and cheating you out of a wonderful future with someone compatible.

After 6 months in a relationship, the signs are usually laid out in front and obvious to those who are paying attention. Dating is there for a reason, to find out if two people fit together & can ultimately having a loving future as a couple. Being aware and listening to your inner self, will help you make wise & fulfilling choices for the wonderful partner you wish to meet & spend your life growing old with.

Written by Susan McCord http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com


Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.MusicToMySoul-Tulip.Blogspot.com

Dating Advice: What is the best way to get noticed on an internet datin...

Two women want to know the best way to get noticed online. Do not BS in your Bio or Profile, be honest about everything if you are serious about meeting a potential partner.


While the preferred method of meeting a potential partner is at a function or event, many people today are looking for a date through online resources. This is mainly due to time, busy careers, age & even laziness. You don’t even have to dress or do your hair while talking with them online unless you are chatting through a web cam. It can be very exciting for some men & women who have had minimal dating experiences. All of a sudden they are connecting with new prospects on a daily basis!

Once you have decided to go online & choose your preferred dating site, your profile & photo are the most important tasks to pay specific attention to. Look around at other people’s profiles and make note of the ones that catch your eye. Review both men & women in your age category. When writing your Bio, try to keep it limited to 2-3 short paragraphs. Write out a rough draft of all your strong qualities, your preferences, boundaries (age, smoker, drinker, fitness level etc.) Ask a friend to describe you if you have trouble writing about yourself or have someone assist you that already have an online dating profile.

Photos should be attractive & classy. Showing too much cleavage, abdominals or biceps is making a sexual statement. (Of course if that is what you are looking for, then by all means post your best assets for all to see!) If you are serious about finding a life partner, then it is important to put “out” what you want to receive.

Be aware of your surroundings in the photo. If housekeeping is not your strong point, don’t take the photo next to a cluttered room. One of the biggest turn offs for others viewing your profile, is posting a picture of yourself with an old flame. It does not make you look important it makes you look vain and insecure. Air brushing your imperfections is not a good idea either because you will meet them one day. Remember that everyone has flaws no one is immune to that.

Humor is a wonderful quality and showing that in your written profile will give you a huge advantage when people read it. Being too serious or clinical is not attractive. By being specific with what you are looking for, you may have fewer suitors contacting you, but you will quickly weed out the ones that are not your type. Quality is what you are looking for in the long run. This way you will not waste time with the wrong ones and can concentrate on dating people you have lots in common with.

One thing to keep in mind, some people are content to just chat online without ever meeting anyone. They could just be fulfilling an ego need & that is all they want, or they may be married or in a relationship. This should be viewed as a red flag and seen early on. By deleting these types right away, you will spend less time waiting for them to make a date in person because you see them for what they are. You will become an expert over time & learn to spot these Internet dating leaches.

While venturing into this online journey it is important to have the same morals and values you have always had outside of Internet dating. Be careful not let too many things slide outside your boundaries or comfort zones, make excuses for the wrong ones or overlook things because you may be lonely. Be clear about what you want on your dating profile and in your life. When someone is right for you it does tend to happen naturally. It progresses without all the questions. “When will I see them again? “Are they going to call me again?” “Are they interested in me?” Think back to some of the tiresome relationships that were in your life, if it seems like too much work, it probably is. When a relationship is on the right track the feelings are reciprocated and if not, as Greg Behrendt would say, “Maybe they’re just not into you”.

10 DATING “PROFILE PRIORITIES” SUMMARY:

• Honesty – Only write the truth about who you are
• Make it short & to the point – If it is too lengthy, people with get bored & move on.
• Conservative photos – Save your “sexy qualities” until after they have earned your respect
• Only write about what you like, not what you don’t like.
• Disclose all children & pets living with you (Could you give Octomom a run for her money?)
• Your interests/activities should only include what you actually enjoy doing (if you have a fear of water do not say that white water rafting is your number one adventure sport)
• Be Specific as to what you are looking for – (no long distance, age restrictions, race)
• Do not ever put your phone number or email contact numbers on your profile


Susan McCord @ http://www.vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating Advice: My girlfriend Wants An Open Relationship With Another Woman

Dating Question From A Viewer:

Hi there. I am a male viewer & one of your biggest fans. I know you can help me with this as you are both honest & non judgmental with your advice. My girlfriend who I live with, wants to have an open relationship with another woman. She is also OK with me having another woman as well. Is this becoming the normal way for relationships?
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers
Andrea Wesley

Dating Advice: My Boyfriend Might Be Addicted To Porn

A Viewer writes into the show about her boyfriend being addicted to pornography. She found out by snooping on his computer. Which is worse, him watching porn or her being invasive? Tune in with Susan McCord & Andrea Wesley "Two Women,Two Generations,Two Opinions -Real Advice!"

Susan McCord @Vancouverdatingrelationshipadvice.com
Andrea Wesley @http://www.MusicToMySoul-Tulip.Blogspot.com

Questions About Online Dating After 35

Are "The Rules" different for people over 35 when it comes to Internet Dating?
No I don’t think they are any different. I think we are less patient as we get older though. I don’t think many people would text each other 15 times before meeting in person like the younger group does. If they even know how to text LOL. It is all about respecting yourself first, at any age. That should be everyone's first rule.


What are the rules?

My rules were:

• “Don’t waste my time if you are not interested in meeting me”
• I’m not online to meet a buddy, I have enough male friends
• I wasn’t into chatting for a month before hooking up with them.
• If someone books a time to meet with you & cancels or stands you up, don’t contact them again. They are showing their true colors and not being respectful of your time. (Of course if they were in the hospital in a body cast that’s another story.)
• Be honest about your age & body type for both sexes. They are going to SEE you!
• Vices like smoking or alcoholism should not be hidden on your profile
• If you are not ready for a relationship STAY off the dating websites...see a counselor

What do you need to be aware of?

• Read between the lines or listen to what they say on the phone.
• If they say they don’t like kids & you are the Octomom, then find someone else.
• Look for signs that they may be in a relationship. Where are they calling you from? A closet or bathroom? Is it always somewhere outside their home? If you have had 5 dates already & have not seen their home, ask the question why?
• Watch how they treat others in your company. Are they rude, flirtatious, a show off, bossy?

How Do You Protect Yourself On An Internet Date & While Online?

• Have a friend close by for the first few dates
• Ask many questions about who they are online & in person
• Google them
• Let friends know where you will be meeting them & give them the phone number & email contact. Let your date know that some people know.
• Do not let them drive you anywhere until you know them better & always meet in a public place no matter how sincere they may sound in an email or phone call.
• Do not dress provocative , be selective in your dating attire. Dress your age too
• If they talk sex too early, stop it from continuing. Don’t lead them on before meeting them.

Is Internet Dating Safe?

Like many things today, safety has become compromised for many people in numerous situations. The key is to always be aware of your surroundings whether it is parking in an underground, putting your groceries in the car when late night shopping, or meeting a potential date.

Alcohol is the biggest problem for many women on a first date. They think it gives them liquid courage but truly it lets their intuitive guard down. This now makes her vulnerable to things she may have usually put a stop to. Her "spidey senses" are now muted & her safety is as well.

It is always best to meet during the day in a busy area for a coffee. You never want to be put in the position where you feel you owe them for something. Dinner & drinks can be a dangerous date!


What Are Your Reasons For Going Online & Does it Work For People Over 35?

I am a huge fan of online dating for the older crowd, especially in Vancouver. There are limited venues for 40 plus in this city, therefore less chance of meeting a potential partner. Single women who have very few friends to go out with, do not want to sit at a bar looking like a cougar or to appear desperate. It is very scary for many newly single women out of a divorce or long term partnership to get back out into the dating market as well.

The only big complaint that I have heard about online dating sites, is that the women say men in their 40’s or 50’s only want women 20 years younger. While that was true a few years ago, it now seems to be changing with the online dating crowd. There are so many more people to choose from than 10 years ago. People were more afraid of it & there were less dating sites to choose from. I love the fact that you can sit in your housecoat & flirt with guys!

The second complaint I hear is that many people say they are computer illiterate and wouldn’t know the first thing about how to set up a profile or how to use the website features. If I could teach a class on how to use a computer to change your life, I would teach it! Being left behind in the technology world will not improve your life with or without a partner. Why not learn everything you can & diversify your life? That’s what makes you attractive to a partner in the long run anyway. You may not need to resort to online dating as you will meet people along these new paths you take.
Susan McCord @ youtube/twobeavers

My girlfriend is very sarcastic

VIEWER QUESTION: My girlfriend is very sarcastic and it is starting to get to me…

Hi Susan, I hope you can help me with this and I appreciate you being totally honest with how you respond. My girlfriend of 5 years is a beautiful woman but she is not happy in her job as a waitress. (On the contrary I love my job as a fireman.) We live together and were inseparable for the first 3 years. She has always been a little sarcastic and I used to think it was funny & meant in a lighthearted way. Now I feel she is using it at my expense & I do not find it humorous in the least, and it’s very derogatory. She has a few girlfriends that she treats the same way and I have noticed they are coming around less & less. I have told her how I feel but she can’t seem to help herself and is still sarcastic on a daily basis. I am almost ready to leave our relationship but still love her. What do you suggest?

Almost Done Daniel

Answer

Hi Daniel, I am so glad you wrote! I am not a fan of sarcasm and never have been. It has a very small place in the world of communication but occasionally there can be some funny one liners & needed comebacks. For the most part though, it is a nasty way of verbalizing what someone really wants to say in a negative way. They think if they add humor it will lose the real intent of their feelings. Sarcasm is used by people who are insecure for the most part. It makes them feel better by shutting someone else down in a playful way. The problem is, it isn’t playful after the second & third time it is repeated.

You mentioned your girlfriend is not happy in her job, that is where her insecurity lies. She is mad at herself for not changing her life & takes it out on you by using these sarcastic jabs. You on the other hand, have a prestigious job where many women put you on a pedestal. This just adds fuel to her insecurities & she unknowingly sabotages your relationship. If you want to salvage this partnership, two things have to change.

She must leave her job even if it means you supporting her while she goes to school or learns a new career. Communicate to her how this sarcasm has to stop or you will leave the house every time she uses it. It is not to be tolerated and she needs to realize how often it is happening. (No confrontation, just remove yourself from the situation.) Make sure you are giving her positive feedback on a regular basis as this will contribute to her feeling less insecure as well. Making these alterations should put you on your way to a stronger & healthier relationship. Good for you for caring and making the effort to fix things at home. So many people would just walk out & not even try to understand how to correct it. Your girlfriend may just need a little support to change her ways.

Susan McCord

Dating Tips: My Best Friend's Fiance is hitting on me!

VIEWER QUESTION: My Best Friend’s Fiance Is Hitting on me!

I hate the man my best friend is marrying. He is abrasive, chauvinistic and sometimes I even feel like he is hitting on me. I don’t even feel like I can approach my friend about this because she keeps telling me how perfect he is for her. Should I tell her how I feel?

Caring Friend

ANSWER

This is your “best” friend so it should be a no-brainer. Diplomacy is everything when discussing sensitive subjects. Leave out the hurtful parts about him humping your leg at any given chance, and start off gently with something you, and a few other friends noticed. There is an old saying that if more than two people tell you the same thing, you should listen!

Women really need to be more like men when it comes to these issues. Men say it like it is, and don’t hold a grudge. Don’t let her make the biggest mistake of her life. It is worth a little confrontation if it means saving her from a life of relationship Hell. We could all use a friend like that!

Susan McCord http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Female Body Odor Down There- Question from a Male Viewer

VIEWER QUESTION:

A boyfriend writes in to Talk Show about how to deal with his girlfriends newly acquired odor down there. How does he tell her and what can be done about it?

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.MusicToMySoul-Tulip.Blogsp...

Dating Talk: Simple Tips on "How to meet men"

Many women in Vancouver do not realize they are sabotaging meeting men, due to their own actions (or lack of actions.) Put yourself out there ladies, show men you are fun and willing to get out of your comfort zone occasionally. Body language can be your best friend when it comes to meeting men. Be aware of it!

One of the biggest questions I hear from women is where do you meet guys? Vancouver Dating Coach, Mick Lolekonda says this is one of the most popular discussions with his female clients.

Why is it so difficult for some women to meet a man? Is it because they do not get outside their home enough and make an effort? Maybe they don’t have enough interests that bring them into new circles. Being single means adding diversity to your life. Getting active and having a good "open attitude" is the best thing a women can do to get noticed.

• Go to a golf driving range and practice your swing, have a drink in the clubhouse after.
• Play tennis (play against the wall by yourself, this will bring partners to you even if you are not fantastic)
• Join a gym which is the best networking place anywhere (not a ladies only!)
• Local hiking and other adventures for singles (many cities have groups you can join for this activity)
• Take night courses at BCIT or Langara college
• Go to Lounges with live music

Lack of confidence is a date "killer", but the more a woman puts herself “out there” the more she will become comfortable in many different surroundings. Going to places that men frequent the most, sporting good stores, home depot, gyms and athletic events will improve a woman's chances of meeting a man in a sober environment. Attending the odd baseball or hockey game is also a good idea. (Women are still the minority at these venues, so they will stand out.) Women need to be themselves and leave the phony facade at home. Men like a woman who is down to earth and real. Having to peel off the onion layers will not keep a man interested.

Being adventurous and willing to try different things is all men really want to see, despite women thinking they have to be fantastic at everything they attempt. Going for a bike ride or taking in a football game, is simple and appreciated by most men in Vancouver. It’s not that difficult to stay active in the dating market, if little effort is made. You may actually get to have that second date and find someone compatible to be your partner down the road.
Susan McCord

Dating & Socializing in Vancouver (Over Age 35)

Breathtaking mountains surrounded by numerous beaches make Vancouver, British Columbia one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Numerous restaurants and coffee shops line the popular and trendy sections of the downtown core. There are approximately 2,500,000 million people living in the lower mainland of Vancouver of all ethnicity's, which adds to the variations of excellent cuisine and culture!

The dating life in Vancouver is a conversation discussed regularly by the locals and visitors alike. (or lack of it!) What seems to be the problem? Canadians as a rule are more reserved than Americans or Europeans and for that reason alone, do not meet people easily in their own city. Traveling Canadians are seen as friendly and have a wonderful reputation throughout the world. Maybe this is due to the fact that people are more assertive when they are not being judged in their own environment. What do they have to lose?

Single people over thirty-five living in Vancouver are at a loss of where to meet someone and where to go out at night. There are areas that definitely cater to the younger crowd, but there are quite a few venues to hang out and not feel like a desperate lounge lizard for older men and women.

There is nothing wrong with going to the lounge of a restaurant and having a drink. Sitting at the bar is easier to meet others and start up a conversation. Cardero's in Coal Harbour and the Sandbar Restaurant on Granville Island are two of these establishments. Joe Fortes, near the hub of Robson Street is also a very popular hangout, especially in the warmer months when the beautiful roof top deck is open. Joey’s on Burrard St. has an amazing bar area that is nicely congested as well as the new Keg in Yaletown.

Mingling is the key to conversation. When trying to meet someone, do not seclude yourself in a booth at the back of a restaurant, choose an open environment. Going out in a group is intimidating to the opposite sex, try to avoid that scenario. Smile at the people you come in contact and don’t be afraid to say hi. Hanging around the washrooms handing out toiletries might work faster, but learning how to say hello is the easiest ice breaker ever.

At the very least be receptive to everyone who makes the effort to acknowledge you. Being too selective with your social contacts, may end up being the demise to your future dating life. You never know when you are being observed. Snubbing someone rudely because they are not your type could end up being a friend of the one you are attracted to.
Susan McCord

Dating Advice: Are You Addicted to Online Dating Sites?

Many people only date through online resources. This is mainly due to age, time and busy careers. You don’t even have to dress for the occasion unless you’re socializing with them through a Web cam. It is almost too easy, and this is what causes the addiction! It can be very exciting for some people who have always had a minimal personal life, to getting 5 e-mails a day from prospective dates!

Part of the problem is, the addiction is not necessarily even with meeting the contacts. And if you do end up meeting them, many people do not want to take their profiles off the dating site, in case it doesn’t work out. Even just online chatting, can keep people interested for a few months without ever meeting them, because that is all they want. This should be viewed as a Red Flag. (They are probably married or in a relationship.)

One of the frustrations with online dating, is how often people get contacted by the same people as their friends. It sounds like they are being disloyal but truly they aren’t. It is “all fair” until you remove yourself off the site, and become exclusive with them.

Just because it seems easy, you should still have the same morals and values you have always had. Don’t let too many things go, or give excuses for everything either. Know what “you want” going in. Make a list and try not to stray too far from your desires. When someone is into you, you will know. If it feels like it is too much work, it probably is.

9 SIGNS YOU ARE ADDICTED:

• The minute you get home you turn on your computer
• You socialize less with friends
• You eat your meals, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth and do yoga in front of the computer so you don’t miss anything
• You check to see what your past dates are doing on line!
• You are going to bed later and later due to online chats
• You are becoming moody with regards to lack of online responses.
• You get depressed when there are no contacts every day.
• You are becoming introverted and removed.
• You have approached the same people more than once without realizing it.

Online dating is a great option especially with the economy spiraling and people are not going out as much. Meeting people is harder when you are older, as there are only so many venues that cater to the over 35 crowd.

It is a good idea to limit yourself to only one dating site; some people are on three or more. The “free dating sites,” are the most popular to join for obvious reasons. Trouble is everybody and their dog joins them, and they have nothing to lose financially. Many people are frustrated with those sites because no one follows through with anything. There are a few sites out there that cost a little more but they do the screening for you, and save you hours of chat time and searches. They match YOU up! People are more serious when they have to pay for something. The old saying: “you get what you pay for”, can be a true cliché in this case.

Don’t be shy of dating online, but keep your eyes open all the time. If any of the above addictions are becoming a part of your life, re-evaluate how you got to this place and make some changes. With so much to choose from and so many frivolous situations pending, it can be difficult to meet someone of substance. Being true to yourself and selective with your priorities in a potential partner, there won’t be a huge list of suitors to keep up with. It’s not about the quantity; it’s always been about quality when finding that special life partner, at the end of the day.
Susan McCord

Dating Advice For Women: Be real sexually!

Mick Lolekonda is a successful “dating coach” who offers a six week service to both men women in Vancouver, BC. His non- intimidating and friendly personality helps his clients to relax and remove anxiety. Mick’s genuine sincerity and extensive education helps teach people how to remove old patterns and become their “own” matchmaker. “He’s convinced that women, as independent as they are today, long for genuine romance, seduction and a dignified sense of direction from their men. And yes, a woman may help the man out through the process, but ultimately still wants him to figure it out on his own.”

Mick recently Co-hosted a successful event with Wear Else, a women’s upscale clothing shop in kitsilano. (Wear Else is the winner for “best women’s apparel of 2010” by The Westender.) The audience geared towards women for this particular event with fashion assistance offered by the friendly Wear Else staff. Flutes of champagne & strawberry treats made the atmosphere relaxed and opened the floor to guest’s participation!

Conversation included:

· Why men don't call you back when you thought there was chemistry and what to do remedy this occurrence?

· How to attract the right men and where to find them?

· Why does it take men 3 days or longer to call after a date?

· Let the man take some initiative, do not chase him aggressively.

Mick’s evening program answered questions that women of all cultures were curious about. His male perspective was refreshing and educating for the female audience. The testimonials afterward, testify this to be true. Mick “practises what he preaches,” and is a well dressed and classy man right down to his trendy shoes. Mick is masculine yet gentle, which earns an immediate trust from his clients and anyone who initially meets him. Men do not feel judged or threatened by him which allows them to let their guard down with a unique comfort level.

Improving men & women’s dating experiences in Vancouver or any other city is an ongoing learning experience that everyone can excel from. Refresher courses and new concepts will keep even the biggest dating sceptics feeling like taking a chance on love. Everyone deserves to be loved and experience a fulfilling partnership...Sometimes we just need a little help to get us on the right path.

Susan McCord

Dating: Right Person-Wrong Time

This has probably happened to most people at one time in their lives. How many times do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 30 years later? That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right?

Is it really bad timing or is it really just the wrong person? When love is wonderful, it doesn’t have to be difficult. It just feels right and the adjustments are not obstacles but compromises

There are definitely obstacles in your younger years such as career focus or University. Meeting someone at that stage in your life is not meant to be forever. That time is for you to grow so that you do make wise choices for your future.

We all make choices for what we think the better path, but is it?
Are we just too immature to see what we have at the time? What happens if the love of your life appears when you are in your teens? This is not uncommon! Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. How many people have let the right person get away due to other priorities?

Age can play an important factor in your choices. Especially if you are an older woman and your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb. Some women will forfeit love to get pregnant at that stage. Dating checklists can also be relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize. Sometimes we do not know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives.

People talk about their soul mate all the time. Is there one such person for everyone? Maybe, but if we let them get away and they do not try to come back, they definitely were not your soul mate. Because a soul mate should be there for life if it is that good.

Many people who were picky until their late 30’s, eventually settle with a partner just so they were not alone as they get older. This is sad and maybe everyone needs to look in the mirror as a reminder that we all have good qualities and we all have flaws. No one is immune to this.

If you do feel like you are repeating a pattern of unreasonable checklists, it could be due commitment issues. Put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in that environment could help alleviate the fear by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be for the soul.

Have you spent years pining over someone whom you thought was that right person who got away, only to see them again and apart from a physical attraction, there really wasn’t much else? Ask yourself why you spent so much time over this fantasy. Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love is the answer to your happiness. I do believe that timing IS everything & when you are ready you will allow that “right” person in.”
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

The Game of Love-Dating Sabotage!

We all play games in relationships,especially in the beginning. Why do we do this and is it OK? Vancouver women are said to be high maintenance and stand offish while the men are labeled as uninterested and not aggressive enough. Why can't we get it together and just be ourselves? Because many of us are not comfortable in our own skin and do not know how to be ourselves! Our video below sheds some light on this subject...Susan McCord

Preventing & Surviving a Bad Date

Bad dates can include a variety of circumstances from boredom, opposite personalities, rudeness, or embarrassing situations. It could be a really bad setup or a dangerous scenario that you ignored. Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market.

Things to be aware of on a first date:

• Are they attentive & do they make eye contact?
• Did they make an effort with their appearance?
• Is the conversation shared equally?
• Are they respectful?
• Do they make you feel special?
• Were they on time for the date?
• Did they reschedule the date more than once?
• Do they bring up sex right away?
• Do they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
• Are you opposites?
• Is sarcasm their only form of humor?

What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave? Many people are too nice to say anything controversial. It is always a good idea to have a “set time limit” on the first few dates so they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Let them know as soon as you meet up with them. Set a time for a friend to call. Have a code word for whether the date is a success or not. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them.

Prevent disaster dates by pre-screening. Don’t take your friend’s or family’s word for it that he/she is perfect for you. Ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different taste. Use the technology at your fingertips. Google them!

Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job, you are paying attention to what a potential employer is saying and what they could offer you. The same attention should be given when out in a dating scenario.

If someone only talks about themselves on the first date, what did they learn about you? They really don’t need to see you again they just need a reflection of themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, chances are, it will always be.

Many people do not know how to express themselves. If the date is bad they just let it go as an experience. You could make a difference in their life by telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Everyone deserves to be happy and some people really do not know how they come across. You may have been put in their path to teach them something. Life lessons are not always about us.

When planning a date, always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather, kids, or work problems. It shows you are spontaneous and have some organizational skills and respect for their time. You are compromising to keep from having to cancel.

The first few dates should not include alcohol. You need to keep a clear head when meeting someone for the first time just as you would in that job interview. If you must have a few cocktails, do not email, text or call them after drinking. Always treat others the way you would appreciate being treated. As old a cliché as this is, it should always be practiced. Susan McCord

Dating Advice : Mixed Signals!

Mixed signals, is a dating topic that many people question. It seems that men and women cannot get past the fist 3 or 4 dates due to the mixed signals they are receiving. What is going on & why has that not changed over the years?

Insecurities and past hurts are what keep people from having normalcy in their relationships. Everyone gets their rule book out and if their date doesn’t pass the test early on, they are deleted from their blackberry. The effort is not put forth anymore to really get to know someone and accept some of their imperfections.

Some women play games with communication. They make a man guess what they are thinking or what is bothering them, and then punish their partner with the silent treatment. Men can also be bad at communication by ignoring the woman’s cold shoulder. “She will get over it if I just let her be for awhile.” This is not the answer and will usually escalate the problem!

In the beginning, when getting to know your date, friendship should be the priority before sex & intimacy rule your heart. Being sexually compatible is important and many people do not want to waste their time if the chemistry isn’t there between the sheets. Intimacy changes everything for a woman, and new expectations come into play.

Playing games every other week to try to fight for leadership & control is very dangerous. Some relationships seem to have one partner that wants continual control. This usually ends up being the demise of the partnership when the other half gets tired of the obvious game.

Mixed Signals can also come in the form of pushing the relationship too fast & then a month later they are sending signals that they are not as interested anymore. This is a very common scenario especially if sex was introduced too quickly. There is an old expression that when someone comes in too fast to the relationship, they usually go out, just as fast!

Being aware of the type of person you are attracting is the key to long lasting love. By choosing people who are commitment phobic could be because you are not ready yourself. Another mistake some people make is by needing their friend’s approval. It is best to make your own assumptions first by listening to your intuition. Some of your friends could be jealous of your new flame and say things to sabotage it.

Dating later in life can be difficult as you may less tolerant. If your space feels threatened it may make you pull back, especially if both parties are fresh out of a broken relationship. There is a reason why you hurt after a break-up & you are supposed to take time to heal and reflect on what transpired. How can you possibly be whole? You just take your emotional baggage into the next relationship even if you don’t think you do. Galloping on the next horse is not always a good ride; it’s just a different one.

Ask your date what they are looking for. Don’t be afraid to find out early, it may be the opposite of where you see yourself and you can discuss that with them. Diplomacy should be used and a leave the checklist at home. Body language gives away many answers if you are paying attention, which is what dating is all about.

Listen clearly to what they say. If they say they don’t want to be in a committed relationship and that is important to you, move on. They have told you honestly. If they are playing a game or hard to get, you really don’t want to waste time trying to figure that out. Relationships don’t have to be that difficult. People make it harder because they try to change each other rather than listen to who their date really is.

Don’t get caught up in this cat and mouse game. Learn early on whether it is worth pursuing. Learn to listen to what they are saying and not only what you want to hear. The more often you get on the treadmill of dating people, who send mixed signals, the more you will lose your trust for a future mate. It is wise to take some time away from dating if there is a pattern developing because it could be you and not them that is causing the demise of your happiness with someone special.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Behavior breeds behavior

Life is so much easier if you react to negativity with opposition. It throws a curve ball that the other person isn’t expecting. It defuses the escalation of an angry reaction if handled properly. If you sound patronizing, it will heighten their aggression even more. Be careful by being aware of your body language and initial reaction in the beginning.

When dealing with an angry customer or client in many job environments, most of us instantly get our backs up. Having a finger pointed in your face, automatically brings a defensive response. It makes people feel disrespected and belittled. Letting people rant and have their say, is what most people really want. They need validity that their point is being heard. By reacting as negative as they are, just adds fuel to the fire. Feeling their pain for a moment will alleviate further anger, and hearing them out is usually a calming behavior modifier.

Behavior patterns are quite interesting in all realms of life. A child emulates their parents or siblings. Spouses who have been married for a long time start to act and sound alike. Animals respond to negative & positive feedback whether it due to an affectionate tummy rub or a scolding. (Most people yawn when someone near them does & the same thing happens when someone smiles at them.) It is contagious or a mirrored behavior.

Behavior can also be used as a manipulative tool. If you know someone’s personality and what buttons to push for your benefit, you are using their behavioral actions. This is how con artists pounce on their prey, by reading their behavioral patterns. Cult leaders have learned the way to manipulate through behavioral brainwashing. Their followers look at it as mentoring.

When entering into a stressful group situation, whether it is a family scenario or work related issue, the leader needs to be calm and rational to bring the same behavior out of the other people in the room. Pats on the back are positive rewards. Think about a playground in your neighborhood or your childhood. The bully always has a group of disciples. They are too young to know the right way to use their own judgment. They want to be accepted no matter what, and are looking for direction in any form. These kids lack self esteem and need guidance to remove them from future negativity.

Learning how to read people quickly will help you put in less time with negative friendships or relationships. In the dating world many men say they don’t know what a woman wants. By learning to read her body language and behaviors, they will understand who she really is.

Try not to talk negative and believe your positive actions will rectify a situation. Use your skills to massage the best out of people. It is contagious when sincerity is put forth. People hunger for positive re-enforcement; they don’t want to be negative. One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

Susan McCord http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers