Friday, November 26, 2010

Funny Bedroom Etiquette

Growing up, some people were lucky to have had guidance in many areas of their lives, but how many had a "sex etiquette teacher|"? Unless you have made a conscious effort to learn a little about sexual etiquette, chances are, you may be somewhat naive about what it is, and how to improve it. (Especially if you have not dated a lot.)

The points below will help novice daters, and remind & refresh attitudes of even the most experienced lovers!

• Be tactful & respectful when talking about sexual history. Don’t wait to talk about it in the bedroom! Be polite and use diplomacy. Do not use "opening lines" like: “Do you have any diseases,” or “Can I have a list of the last 10 people you have slept with?”

• First and foremost, it is considered poor etiquette to leave your partner sexually unsatisfied in the bedroom unless you have talked about it and you are working on improving it together. Not everyone can orgasm easily, but it doesn’t let you off the hook not to try every time!

• If you have more than one lover, remove any evidence of someone being there previously. That includes washing the sheets! You would think this was a given, but you would be very surprised at how many people do not clean their rooms regularly.

• Condom wrappers are not decorations and neither are "spanking the monkey" tissue remnants! If you are having sex with someone for the first time, you might want to do a spot check on just what exactly is in your bedroom and the medicine cabinet! (Many a story has been told, due to this oversight.)

• Ensure there is toilet paper and a clean towel & face cloth for your guest, regardless of whether they are spending the entire night. ( Mouth wash is also a nice touch)

• Have a couple of toothbrushes on hand and some disposable razors.

• Guys, please have some tampons under your sink at all times, there is nothing more embarrassing for a woman than a surprise at that time of the month. Leave them in the front so she doesn’t have to dig for them or have to ask you.

• If you expect someone to participate in oral sex for an hour, don’t hand them a snorkel without reciprocating orally! It is not a one-way street. You will end up with a very bad reputation if you are a selfish lover. People talk whether you are lousy or great in bed.

• Don’t grab her ponytail or head as an indicator that you would like her to to perform fellatio, and use the ice cream cone lick when you are first learning about her, down south. Sex Films make women look like they want it hard and rough, most women don’t. When in doubt, ask or watch her body language when you first start cunnilingus.

• Men really enjoy reciprocation but also need to be treated gently in the beginning. They are pretty good at guiding women with oral sex and letting them know if they want a lollipop or soother technique.

• Do not "text" someone while performing oral sex!

• Keep the dominatrix apparel out of sight until you have established something with your date. Shackles/ handcuffs/ latex and whips, might be a bit much too soon! If your partner is extremely opposite to your sexual tastes, be honest and move on.
(Someone else will appreciate your Little Red Riding outfit or Latex Batman costume.)

• Have a shower and floss your teeth. If you have a planned date, don’t chew garlic cloves before they arrive. It is offensive and over powering. It certainly does not make someone want to kiss you romantically and it is rude.

• Hygiene is the most important of all sex etiquette. Shaving or waxing is being respectful of your partner. No one wants a mouth of hair! Bring out the garden shears if you have to and that goes for your toenails too. If they can open cans, they are in need of pedicure. That goes for both sexes.

Susan McCord

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